


look me in the heart (and tell me you won’t go)

by seekrest



Series: IronDad Bingo [15]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: (and a nap probably), (he just worries), Existential Angst, Light Angst, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Good Dad, canon is a sham except for the things I like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 12:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24849637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest
Summary: “Hey Tony, what are you doing tonight?”Tony smirked, glancing around the empty penthouse. “Not much, kid. Why, what are you up to?”He could hear Peter’s laughter on the other line, could almost imagine him in the same position he was - relaxed on his couch with his feet propped up, staring off into nothing.—IronDad Bingo: Adult Peter Parker
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: IronDad Bingo [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652680
Comments: 32
Kudos: 194
Collections: Peter Parker is a Good Dad





	look me in the heart (and tell me you won’t go)

“Hey Tony, what are you doing tonight?”

Tony smirked, glancing around the empty penthouse. “Not much, kid. Why, what are you up to?”

He could hear Peter’s laughter on the other line, could almost imagine him in the same position he was - relaxed on his couch with his feet propped up, staring off into nothing.

Retirement, Tony thought - suits him. A quiet epilogue to the bizarre and larger than life exploits of Iron Man. Tony hadn’t put on a suit for a fight in years. Hadn’t had a need to - not with the seemingly endless slew of superheroes popping up in New York, the bored-sounding voice on the other end of the line being the most prominent. 

“Nothing really,” he hears Peter say, holding back a laugh as he continues, “It’s kind of quiet.”

“That does tend to happen on a Sunday night at home,” Tony replies, glancing at his watch, “I’m honestly surprised it took you this long to call me. Looks like May wins this round.”

“You know, I resent the fact that you two consistently conspire against me,” Peter sighs, “you two should never have become friends.”

“Tough shit, kid,” Tony says with a smile, “You got a kid now. We’re _family_. Not getting rid of me anytime soon.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Peter says, Tony letting the conversation fall into a comfortable silence.

It wasn’t unusual for Peter to call in the evenings as he usually did throughout the week. But he and May had wondered how long it would take for Peter to break and reach out to one or both of them now that Michelle was out of town on a work trip.

Tony half-expected to be called in for some last minute babysitting duty for Ben, the six month old that had become the center of Tony’s world - and everyone else in his orbit - since the moment he was born. 

But hearing Peter’s sigh on the other line, Tony smiled - wondering if this particular conversation had less to do with an issue and more just a sense of boredom. 

“You want me to come over? Let an old man keep you company?” Tony asks, fingers tapping lightly on the couch. 

The silence on the other end is all the confirmation Tony needs, softly chuckling to himself as he says, “I’ll be there in fifteen.”

“Tony, it’s fine. I promise, I’m--”

“Don’t worry about it kid,” Tony says with a smile, hips starting to pop as he moves off the couch, “I’m already up and on my way.” 

“Tony…” Peter says warningly, his tone so serious that it makes Tony want to laugh, “Pepper said you’re not allowed in the suit anymore after last time.”

“Pete, you severely underestimate the depth of Pepper’s forgiving nature,” Tony quips, hearing Peter’s exasperated sigh before he says, “But don’t get your spider in a web, I’m using a car not a suit.”

“Hilarious. Never heard that before,” Peter deadpans, Tony just grinning as he makes his way to the elevator.

“Come on kid, I’m old. I’m entitled to a few jokes.” 

Peter’s laughter echoes throughout the elevator, buoying Tony as he makes his way down to the garage. 

* * *

“You _really_ didn’t have to come over,” Peter says as he opens the door, Tony waving a hand dismissively as he walks into the tiny Jones-Parker apartment. 

Tony scans the place, holding his tongue at how cramped and messy it is - knowing that this wasn’t an argument he was looking to have considering how frazzled and exhausted Peter looked as he says, “Can’t stop an old man, Pete. Should’ve realized that a long time ago.”

Peter grumbles something that Tony doesn’t catch as he closes the door, laughing to himself as he sidesteps a pile of toys and looks back at Peter. 

He looks worse than how he sounded on the phone, wearing a MIT hoodie that he _definitely_ stole from Tony himself considering Michelle had gone to Harvard and Peter - the traitor - had ended up at ESU. His hair is a little longer than it usually is, enough of a signal that he hasn’t been taking care of himself since Tony knows longer hair agitates him under the mask. 

But it’s the bone weariness that emanates off of him that gives Tony pause, the way Pete sways slightly back and forth as if the years of patrolling New York’s streets were only a prelude for the six months of sleep deprivation that fatherhood had been for him. 

Tony could still remember the phone call he’d gotten the day Ben was born - a day that everyone in Peter and Michelle’s orbit had spent the better half of nine months preparing for - only for it to go off without a hitch. 

Peter, miracle of miracles, had actually been there - Michelle’s labor moving quickly in a way that even the doctors were surprised by. 

Ben was happy, healthy and whole - the past six months being some of the happiest Tony thinks he’s ever lived. But there’s something clearly weighing on Peter now that he can see him with his own two eyes, wondering if he’d been too quick to dismiss his call as a plea for boredom.

“You know, you’re supposed to sleep when they sleep,” he begins, eyes carefully scanning over Peter.

“I know, I know,” Peter says tiredly as he rubs a hand over his face, “I tried. I just can’t…” he trails off, vaguely gesturing his hand over his head. 

Tony stares at Peter for a beat, tilting his head as he asks, “Your senses acting up again?”

Peter shakes his own head, motioning for Tony to sit on the couch. He moves a few stuffed animals to do so, making a mental note to try and figure out yet another way to encourage a cleaning service for the two of them - already anticipating their arguments against it - when Peter says, “No, it’s not that.”

“Then what’s going on, Pete?” Tony gently asks, groaning as he sits down. While he would always be thankful for the opportunity to grow old - something that in another life, he didn’t think would’ve been possible - Tony wished someone had told him how physically uncomfortable it would be.

Yet considering the alternative Tony thinks, he could take it - especially because of the conflicted look he sees on Peter’s face.

“I don’t… I don’t know. You know MJ’s back at work right?” 

Tony nods, Peter sitting down across from him as he flops his arm around the couch. 

“And we talked about it for years, you know. What would happen when we have kids. I’d stay home, she’d go to work… it’s not like _Spider-Man_ pays well and she’s always had greater career aspirations than me anyway.”

“We could always fix that right up, the paying thing,” Tony says jokingly, putting a hand up as Peter glares at him, “I’m just saying. You know you always got a place at SI.”

“I know,” Peter says dismissively, Tony already guessing that that wasn’t the purpose in his boredom, “It’s not that. It’s more… I don’t know.”

Peter flops his head back, the exhaustion emanating off him reminding Tony more of men much older than he as he says, “I guess I just didn’t realize how… boring this would be.”

“This?” Tony asks, guessing what Peter is getting at but wanting him to explicitly state it.

“This,” Peter says, gesturing to the apartment, “staying at home. Like, I love Ben. You know that.”

“Yes,” Tony nods, Peter sitting up.

“And I know it’s a massive privilege that I even _get_ to stay home. That MJ makes enough money for the both of us and that I have May and you and MJ’s moms and--”

“Kid, I know. You don’t have to make--” Tony begins only for Peter to cut him off as he says, “I just feel so _bored_. Like I could be doing so much more.”

“You always can,” Tony says, “like you said, you have a mini army of people willing to watch Ben if you want to get to work.”

“But that’s the other thing,” Peter says, Tony feeling like he’s finally getting to the root of the problem as Peter sighs, “I… I don’t know that I _want_ to go to work.”

“What do you mean?” Tony gently asks, trying to read the expression on Peter’s face as Peter himself seems to mull over it. 

The decision for Peter to be a stay at home dad had been a good one in Tony’s opinion, considering that Peter had never really showed any other aspirations outside of Spider-Man in all the years he’d known him. 

Not like Michelle, who from the minute Tony had met her had made him reconsider his ideas about reincarnation - especially since she eerily reminded him of Pepper. 

It hits Tony then a half-second before Peter speaks that maybe _that_ is what’s stressing Peter out, hearing Peter sigh as he says, “I don’t know who I am… aside from Spider-Man. It’s— it’s part of me, you know?”

“Kid--” Tony begins, only to pause when he sees the look on Peter’s face. 

“I-- you know, I’ve been doing this since I was fourteen. That was _sixteen years ago_ , Tony. For me, at least. I’ve been Spider-Man for longer than I was ever ‘just’ Peter Parker. And I… I don’t know,” Peter wrings his hands, looking more like the fourteen-year old he’d been when Tony met him than the thirty-year old he was.

There’s a haunted look in Peter’s eyes, a faraway expression that’s all too familiar to him - one that he’d seen in the mirror too many times before as Peter whispers, “I never thought I’d make it here you know?”

Tony can’t deny the lump in his throat, swallowing down feelings that he understands too well. It had been over a decade since the moment Peter had turned to dust in his arms, years and years since he’d snapped his fingers and ended Thanos for good. 

But Tony could remember it like it was yesterday - the haze of the battlefield, the yells and screams of people all around him, the look in Strange’s eyes when Tony had asked him if this was the one where they won. 

Tony had snapped his fingers with every intention of living - or in that case _dying_ \- with the consequences, the months-long recovery being meaningless in the grand scheme of things now. 

Yet the look on Peter’s face is one that causes Tony’s stomach to churn, the existential crisis of a man who never thought he’d grow up to become one written all over his face as Tony says, “But you did, Pete.” 

“I know--”

“You _did_ ,” Tony says before Peter can try and dismiss it, “And that’s something to celebrate. The hero gig… it’s not one that tends to give happy endings.” 

Tony puts a hand to Peter’s shoulder, forcing Peter to look him in the eye as he says, “You not knowing what you want to do for the rest of your life just means that you _get_ to.”

Peter chews the inside of his cheek before saying, “But it’s _not_ the end, Tony. I… I can’t stop being Spider-Man.” 

“I know.”

“But sometimes,” Peter says with a sigh, looking older and more worn than Tony thinks he’s ever seen him, “sometimes I wonder what that’ll mean for Ben.” 

Tony freezes, Peter’s eyes elsewhere as he mutters, “Sometimes I wonder if I was selfish to have a kid. Knowing…”

Peter trails off but Tony doesn’t need him to finish his statement to know what he’s meaning - a product of having been in his life for so long and having, at one time, wondered the very same thing.

He’d found a small slice of happiness with Pepper and Morgan in the wake of unspeakable tragedy, an oasis that in the fleeting seconds after Tony had snapped - wondered if those years were all that Morgan would have to remember him by.

They weren’t, Morgan now preparing to go off to _college_ \- something Tony still could barely wrap his head around.

Yet there was a time when he had wondered himself if fatherhood was truly meant for him - the recklessness of his youth, the missteps in adulthood, even his failures as a mentor to Peter - never letting himself forget that for the first few months after Germany, he’d ignored Peter to almost disastrous consequence.

He’d given up the superhero life after the second snap, a decision that was borne more out of necessity than outright choice.

Tony still wondered if he would’ve made the same choice, had things gone differently. 

Peter sighs again, dropping his head down before saying, “May said something to me a few weeks ago, something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.”

Tony waits, giving Peter the chance to articulate his thoughts as he continues, “I asked her how she was… _okay_ with me going out when I was a teenager. I look at Ben now and I can’t— I have to triple check just to see if he’s breathing and I still panic. I can’t imagine just _willingly_ letting him go.”

Peter rubs a hand over his face, the bags under his eyes even more prominent in this light as he says, “She said that she wasn’t. Okay, I mean. That she— she wondered if every time she sent me out, if it was the last time she’d ever see me alive.”

Peter’s eyes turn glassy, Tony seeing the tears brimming in them as he presses forward, “I can’t— I can’t do that to Ben, Tony.”

His shoulders sag, looking back into Tony’s eyes. 

“I lost my dad, lost Ben. I almost lost _you_ ,” Peter whispers, Tony feeling a lump in his throat that he quickly swallows down.

“But you didn’t, Pete.”

Peter shakes his head. “No… but I can’t stop. Anytime I come home, all I can think of is how many people don’t. I can’t let Ben grow up without a dad, I _can’t_ ,” Peter says, his features conflicted as he purses his lips, “but I don’t know if I’d be able to live with myself if I ever stopped.” 

Tony didn’t have an answer for Peter, guessing from the look on his face that he wasn’t really looking for one.

There was nothing Tony could do or say to stop Peter from being Spider-Man - just as there were no platitudes or promises he could give about the longevity of Peter continuing his life as a superhero, not when Tony himself had stared at the edge of oblivion more times than he could count. 

It was a fear that always lingered in the back of Tony’s mind, his heart stopping anytime he got a late night call - wondering if that would be the one that would change his life forever. 

Yet despite the odds, he was still here - just as Peter was, sitting next to him - pushing away the voice in the back of his mind that whispered that eventually, his greatest fear would come true.

Tony couldn’t dwell on it anymore than Peter could - not May, Michelle or anyone else in his life. It was something they signed up for, in loving Peter Parker. Something that Tony could only wish would be a life that would be lived for as long as humanly possible. 

“Sorry, you didn’t come over here to listen to me complain.”

“I came over cause you seemed like you needed someone to talk to,” Tony says gently, “you know I’m always here.”

Peter looks at him differently then, a look he’s seen a few times before - as if he was a figment of his imagination or that if he looked away for too long, that Tony would disappear.

He wouldn’t - not if Tony had any say with it, just as Tony recognizes that this wasn’t a conversation that could be resolved in a night.

Peter smiles at that, his eyes looking so old and so impossibly young all at the same time as he says, “I know.”

Tony doesn’t trust himself to speak any further, especially with the traitorous lump in his throat building again. 

Instead, he claps a hand to Peter’s shoulder - squeezing it gently as Peter’s smile grows sadder.

There were so many things unspoken between them, understanding and promises that Tony feared would someday be broken.

Tony invented time travel to bring Peter back yet still couldn’t predict the future - no way of knowing just how happy their ending would be.

But at least they had today. 

For now, Tony thinks - that had to be enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> Peter Parker is a Good Dad, pass it on.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!


End file.
